You are close to the desk
by one guy
Summary: Gendo Ikari feels he has something important to tell his son.


The rights to the anime and manga "Neon Genesis Evangelion" belong to the company GAINAX.

**You are close to the desk**

Gendo Ikari stood in front of an elevator. It opened.

_The explosion, the flash._

The commander was soon surrounded by four white walls. Moving.

_What damage it could have made if the city hadn't had protection. Billions._

One wall had buttons on it and almost all of them had numbers.

_The angel fell to the ground. The hard hit causing chunks to fly._

There was a down arrow here.

_That was a glorious victory__. The cheers, the pilots…_

There was also an up arrow above it.

The elevator stopped. An opening door. Shinji was there. He cringed seeing who was in front of him. Then he looked down and silently got in. The boy turned around.

Silence. Only the quiet buzz of the elevator could be heard.

Gendo Ikari stared at the back of his son's head.

Nervousness drilled the commander's insides. The fast beat of the heart. Gendo swallowed hard. The back of his son's head. Silence.

"Shinji", Gendo spoke up at last.

The word quickly went to the bottom of the sea of quiet. And this water was still for a while.

"Yes, father."

The commander felt the drilling again. He stood silently just watching his son's back for a few moments.

"I have something to tell you, Shinji."

Silence. Drilling (but not obvious).

"You probably think that I am a cold, emotionless man."

The nervousness started to fade. The commander continued:

"You probably think that I only care about the projects and that I don't care about people. But that's not true."

Shinji's back showed no signs of reaction.

"That's not true. I do care… I care about you. It's just so… You're the best pilot and we have no choice but to send you to fight. Our future depends on you. I would let you live in peace if you weren't the Third child."

Both stood without talking for a few moments. Signs of Shinji's emotions still couldn't be seen.

"I understand. You have a right to be mad at me. I rarely talk to you, I always look at you like you're… nothing."

Gendo could feel intensively growing emotions inside. The tension was getting closer to the peak.

"It's because I'm afraid of you. You see, I have never known how to be with people. I haven't had any friends. Your mother was the first and only one. Being a child, I built this wall around myself... I never really learned how to treat people. That's why I'm afraid of being with you. I am afraid I will never be able to give you the love that anyone else could, that your mother could. I fear hurting you."

The view hasn't changed.

The commander let words quickly escape him feeling getting closer to total relief.

"That is why I left you living with your teacher."

Silence.

"What I want to say is… I'm sorry."

Gendo came closer to Shinji. The commander nervously and gently wrapped his arms around the boy who suddenly turned around and pressed his head against the large manly chest.

"I'm sorry, Shinji."

The man felt some dampness on his chest. The commander was strongly touched and emotional. He could feel his eyes getting a little wet.

Gendo could make out a quiet "I forgive you" and said:

"I'm sorry but I don't think anything will change."

He heard "I understand".

Suddenly the elevator door opened and a wrinkled face appeared in front of Gendo. It was emotionless.

Fuyutsuki stepped inside and stood by the commander.

Not looking at the man, Gendo asked in his calm, usual voice:

"How are the pilots?"

"The First and the Third children are lying in hospital at the moment. The health of the Second child seems normal."

Then both men just stood there like statues: not moving, not saying anything.

Just the buzz of the elevator.

Gendo got deep in thought.

_No. I guess that's not going to happen. I am not going to… As I was never able to ask out Yui… But maybe my son is not doing so bad. Yeah. He must have got used to it all. Katsuragi looks so close to Shinji. She must have taken good care of him. Yeah, that's right._

The tension quickly poured out of the commander.

And Gendo Ikari came back to his office. One could once again hardly see him as the man was sitting by his desk at the far end of the room under the big enlightened scheme of the Sephirothic System.

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Constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
